


freedom of exile

by SB89



Series: freedom of exile [1]
Category: And Then We Danced (2019)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25572649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SB89/pseuds/SB89
Summary: Irakli learned a long time ago that life has a strange sense of irony. So he should not be surprised when a tragedy in the family offers him a second chance at happiness.But the real question is...will he take this chance?
Relationships: David / Sopo, Merab / Irakli
Series: freedom of exile [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853299
Comments: 15
Kudos: 11





	1. lost in thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Merab´s story ended perfectly, but our favorite boy Irakli just disappeared. And considering that there was almost  
> nothing positive about his life after the movie´s credits...I just had to write what I hope happened.  
> Possibly more chapters to come...not sure yet.

He always loved Batumi, his home. Its vibrant energy he could feel pulsing under his skin. The city was a source of many distractions, and he would  
gladly accept every last of them. Now he has a feeling he doesn't belong here. The places, streets, and people who brought joy before, now are  
dull and empty. It is probably his fault because his mind and heart are in Tbilisi. Even though he lived there only briefly, it was the only place  
he felt free for the first time in his life. 

He is now sitting on the beach near Seafront promenade and Ferris wheel. Yes, it is a tourist spot, he knows. So no judgment, please, he likes it here. Especially in the morning, he can let his mind wander and escape reality for a while. He catches a glimpse of Ali&Nino statue with their judging looks in the near distance. They are mocking him and his fucked up life. Not that he blames them, they fought for their love. He gave up.  
"Damn you!" he mutters. To the statue or himself, he doesn't know.  
The sun is almost up, so it is time to go back home. It is time to smile, work hard, and be a good husband. He just wishes that all this pretending wasn't that hard.

He smells chirbuli as soon as he opens the front door. Elene is already awake. They got married six months ago, and he cares about her, just not as she deserves. Their relationship was always the turbulent one with plenty of breakups and an equal amount of makeups. He wanted to end it with her for good, but then his father's health worsened. He didn't want to cause his parents more disappointment, so he proposed. They were so happy. 

"Hey, you're home. Breakfast is ready. Do you want tea or coffee?" Elene asks, not even looking at him. She got used to his early morning walks.  
"Coffee, thank you," he answers and takes a mug with black liquid from her.  
"What do you think if we go hiking this weekend? We haven't been anywhere for some time, and fresh air could do us good."  
"Why not. It is a good idea." he kisses her on the cheek and smiles. After breakfast, he notices an envelope on the table.  
"What is it?" he asks with the envelope in raised hand.  
"I don't know. It was for you, so I didn't open it." she shrugs.  
He reads the letter once, and he has to sit down to re-read it.  
"What happened?" Elene sits next to him.  
"Grandma passed away."  
He cannot believe it. She was always spoiling him as a child, and he knew he was her favorite. And she was his favorite as well. She could read him like an open book. During his last time in Tbilisi a couple of weeks ago, they were talking one evening. Suddenly with absolute clarity in her eyes and voice, she asked him a question that was like a punch in his gut: "Where is the handsome red hair boy?" It caught him off the guard. "I don't know, grandma. I don't think he wants to see me."

He blinks once maybe twice to get himself back to reality. The next thing he knows is that he is in the bedroom and packing.  
Elene runs after him: "Irakli, where are you going?" She is confused.  
"Where do you think I am going? Back to Tbilisi."


	2. drunken night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes chapter no.2. I really hope you will like it. English is not my first language so apologize any mistakes (i bet there will be plenty of them). I also hope that i won´t butcher Georgian culture along the way.

His plane was slowly landing, and he looked from the tiny window. He left almost 11 months ago, but it still felt like it was yesterday.   
Back then, it crossed his mind that maybe he will never return to Tbilisi. Now, the thought of his short return made him excited and scared at the same time. Okay, enough with your uneasy mind, you idiot. You're home, enjoy it. Stop thinking about impossible.   
"MERAB!" Mary screamed as soon as she saw him exit the baggage claim. She jumped to his arms, and he almost came crashing down with her.   
God, he missed her so much. Behind Mary, he could see his brother chuckling with a handwritten sign, "Welcome home, little brother."   
They hugged each other, and with loud laughs and happy tears, the trio left the airport and headed to town.

He will forever be indebted to Mary and David for helping him get out of Tbilisi. After a very long conversation and one or two bottles of Etno, they agreed to London. David took care of much-needed money and said to Merab to ask no questions. He just hoped that it wouldn't get his brother into any troubles. Mary, the sneaky witch she was, filmed his audition and sent it to her friend who worked in Dominion theatre. They invited him to an audition, and to his big surprise, a job offer followed. On top of that, Mary contacted her aunt and somehow convinced her that he could stay with her. At least temporarily. After six months, he finally moved to a shared flat in Bexley with another fellow dancers Dana and Henry. It wasn't much, but for the first time, he felt like he lives by his own rules. And that was something he couldn't put a price on. 

Merab and David agreed that he is going to stay with him and Sopo at their house. He loves his grandma and mother, but he's not sure that there wouldn't be casualties at the end of his one-week-long stay. Merab was surprised to see how well David and Sopo get along. They almost seemed to be in love. He already noticed it during occasional Skype calls but decided not to comment on it. David put his bag to a vacant room while he was greeting the newest member of the family. His niece Maia was simply the most beautiful little girl he has ever seen. "She has beauty after you and not David. That's for sure," he told Sopo while giving Maia back to her mother. "I heard that, and I hate you!" echoed from the next room. 

"Look who is back from a big city." He could almost see a venom dripping from Aurora's mouth.   
"Look who is still here." God, he almost forgot how he despites the woman. Almost. He no longer paid attention to her and caught up with David, Sopo, and little Maia. His mother and grandmother couldn't stop hugging and kissing him as soon as they saw him.   
"So, my baby boy, how is London? What about your work? Tell us everything." his grandma asked almost immediately. They haven't even sat behind the table yet.  
"It is a beautiful city, and I like it there very much. Job is tough, but I was able to get into the ensemble in Prince of Egypt. One of their dancers left, and they picked me. So I am kind of over the moon."   
"Well, but you also neglected your family for a long time. Is it because you have found yourself a lovely girlfriend?" Okay, so it is an interrogation. He felt David´s and Sopo´s gaze on him while he was trying to figure out what to say. "No, mama, no girlfriend," he went for a vague answer.  
"Anyway, thank you for keeping an eye on Maia tonight. Sopo and I wanted to take Merab out and celebrate a little." David changed the topic quickly. His brother can sometimes be an idiot, but he wouldn't change him for anyone.  
"Anytime, darlings." his grandma said with a genuine smile. 

After another hour, they said their goodbyes and grabbed some shoti on their way to a bar. It reminded him of another night almost a year ago. Mary already waited for them with the first round of shots for all of them except Sopo. She stayed sober for their and her daughter's sake.   
"So, tell us. How is your life in London? For real." David asked him point-blank.  
"I was telling the truth. Work is great. It took some time, determination, and a lot of sweat, but I am a good dancer now. Rehearsals are hard, but at least no Aleko is stopping me every 10 seconds." they laughed and took another round of shots.   
"No one was ever good enough for him. And by the way, you deserve it. You worked harder than any of us." Mary said and took his hand.  
"And your personal life?" Sopo tried to ask nonchalantly, but she was always the curious one.   
"No one worth mentioning." It was sad, but it was true. He did his fair share of exploring, and there was a couple of one night stands or short-lived affairs, but nothing he wished to turn into anything serious.   
Over time, he stopped counting drinks and simply enjoyed the company of his favorite people. They talked about everything. They shared both their successes and colossal failures of the previous year until they were wasted and decided it was time to call it a night. 

Even though she was drunk, Mary somehow managed to get out of the taxi and walk to the front door with grace. After 15 minutes, it was their stop. He sent Sopo and David ahead and settled their bill with the driver. He turned around and started to walk towards them when he suddenly stopped moving. He didn't see the person they were talking to, but he would recognize the silhouette anywhere. No, it cannot be him. He's not in the town.   
"I am sorry, but it is not a good time." he heard David say to the stranger. The stranger turned around, and Merab's heart almost stopped.  
"Merab?" Irakli said almost as a whisper.   
Merab stepped closer to him and just said: "What are you doing here?"


	3. truth time can be hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, chapter 3, here we go. Hope you like it.

"We will give you some privacy," David said and slowly stepped back into the building with Sopo. Merab didn't want privacy, but he knew he has to face Irakli eventually.  
"I...I had no idea that you will be here. You now live with David?" Irakli almost sounded like he cared. Joke of the century.  
"Not that it is any of your business, but yes. At least for next week. Then I return home. To London." he didn't want to sound hostile, but he was bitter. Can you blame him?  
"You live in London now?" Irakli sounded surprised.  
"I have been living there for 11 months." Silence followed.   
"You haven't answered my question." Merab continued.  
"I needed to talk to someone. I know it sounds pathetic, but your brother is one of few friends I have here. And the only one I suspect won't judge me." Irakli chuckled nervously. Merab noticed dark circles under his eyes and some wrinkles. He could swear that they weren't there a year ago.  
"Do you need a place to stay tonight? I can ask David and Sopo, but I think they won't mind," he asked before the reasonable part of his brain could tell him how terrible an idea it is.   
"You are not mad at me?" he finally looked into Merabs eyes.  
"I am, but I am also drunk and tired. And you look like you haven't slept for days. Let's talk tomorrow." And with that, he opened the front door and entered with Irakli by his side.

Merab woke up after 8 am, his head was pounding a little, but he expected worse, given the circumstances. There was no sign of David or Sopo. He found only Irakli peacefully asleep on the couch in the blue shirt Merab borrowed him. He took a couple of minutes to just look at him. Irakli was more rested, but worries and sadness still framed his face. Merab was wondering what happened to the funny, gleeful, generous, and confident man he used to know.   
His stomach started to call for attention, so he decided to make breakfast. He was finishing scrambled eggs 30 minutes later, and as if on cue, Irakli appeared in the kitchen.   
"I made eggs, bacon, and tea. Help yourself if you are hungry."   
"See you are true Englishman now." Irakli was leaning against the door with the first genuine smile he saw from him.  
"No worries, still Georgian man to the bone. I just need to calm my stomach." and he bit half of the pickle he found in the fridge.  
"Where are David and Sopo?" Irakli asked and went to the kitchen counter.  
"I found a note saying that they went to pick up Maia and will be back after lunch." He watched as Irakli poured a good dose of everything on his plate and sat across from him. It looked so domestic, so easy, and Merab hated it.  
"Grandma is dead," Irakli said suddenly after a couple of minutes. "I don't know. I was at her funeral two days ago, and it made me think about things. About my life mostly."  
"I am sorry, I didn't know her well, but I could tell she was an extraordinary woman." And Merab meant every word. He could tell that Irakli and his grandma were very close. Another thing they have in common. If there was one person he could count on, it was his grandma. It was she who helped him get ready for school or do homework. She was the support system of their family.   
"Thank you, and she indeed was. She was the one who persuaded me to pursue dancing. She also taught me how to cook and take care of myself in general. My mum and dad, on the other hand, always had exact plans for me. A secure job, an advantageous marriage with a rich girl. It didn't matter what I wanted or what my interests were. And in the end, I submitted to them." Irakli just sighed and continued with his breakfast.

Merab could see how miserable Irakli is and it pained him. No matter what happened between them, they once were friends. And for a minute, they were even more.  
"Okay, here is our plan. We finish breakfast, clean the dishes, and then we go out." There is not much he can do about Irakli's life, but at least they can do something fun.  
"Why are you so nice to me?" Irakli asked him with a serious look on his face.  
"Do you want to hear an honest answer?"   
"I...yes, I think I do."   
Merab was terrified of this conversation, but he knew it is the one they need to have. "I was so pissed yesterday. Do you have any idea how you hurt me?" Irakli just nodded. Okay, that´s a good start. Now the hard part.  
"But the more I look at you I realize, that if you truly hurt anyone, it was you. From what you told me, I understand you are in an unhappy marriage and have a job you don't like. On the other hand, I love dancing in the theatre, I am free, and I can do whatever I want. Maybe I should even thank you because you gave me the final push. So there is no anger or grudge anymore."   
Now Irakli looked pissed. Good. Merab wasn't even sorry, Irakli asked for the truth after all. And the truth can be a painful bitch.  
"You don't know anything about my life, so don't you dare lecture me. And throwing your new amazing life to my face, that's fucking low. I would expect better from you." Irakli was now pacing around the room. Merab rose from his chair and stood directly in front of him.  
"So would I. Where is the Irakli who danced duet 1 minute after he appeared on practice. Who wasn't afraid to ask cheekily about auditions when everyone else was afraid to say a word? He had talent, passion, and he didn't give a damn." Merab said, what he thought, now it is up to Irakli.  
"He grew up." And with that, he took his jacket and left.

Is that how closure feels? Merab didn't know what to think. Or feel. So he decided to do what he knows best. He made a little room in the living room and started practicing dance routines.


	4. of visit and intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was time to get back into Irakli´s head so here we go. Hope you like the chapter.

Irakli slammed the door behind him and laid down on the couch. How dare he judge him? At one point in their lives, they were close, and they fucked twice. That was it. Merab knows nothing about duty, responsibility, respect, or him in general. He can't just leave and live as he wants. He never had and never will have this luxury.

His father worked in construction, and soon his deteriorating health made it impossible for him to take care of his family. His mother Ana did what she could, but it was not enough, and soon it was Irakli who had to become the head of the family. He worked as a sales consultant, waiter, call center operator, bartender...whatever paid bills. When he was eighteen, he met Elene when he was working as a waiter in the hotel her father owned. She was beautiful, and they fell in love. Elene's father wasn't happy about his daughter's choice, but he accepted him because Irakli never asked for anything. And maybe he secretly hoped their relationship wouldn't last. However, that changed after the proposal and then the wedding. His soon to be father-in-law offered him the position of his deputy. After all, his daughter could not marry some loser. It took months and a lot of determination to become at least adequate, but he made it. If you ask him, it is not that he hates the job, but he hoped for more than endless business meetings, shaking hands, and annoying suits and ties. Although he would be a hypocrite if he said there were no perks. He was able to secure his mother and buy her a house after his father died two months ago. His privileged position also allowed him to take this temporary personal leave. He called from the train to Tbilisi to his surprisingly generous father-in-law. He understood that Irakli had to take care of the funeral and all the necessities before he could return to Batumi. The funeral was behind them, and now all that remained was to rent and later sell the apartment. It was time to close the "Tbilisi" chapter for good.

He noticed that he had forgotten to return Merab's blue T-shirt. It still smelled like him, and somehow it calmed him down enough to fall asleep.

The ringing of his cellphone woke him up. With a groan, he checked the caller's id. What did she want at 3 pm?  
"What?" he asked with a very grumpy voice.  
"Nice to hear from you too. I'm fine, thanks for asking." Mary said with such a faked tone that he immediately thought about disconnecting the call.  
"What do you want?" he developed his previous question.  
"To scold you. But I'd like to do it face to face, so first, open your door."  
The last sentence caught his attention. How does she know where he lives?  
With a little trouble, he got up from the couch and walked to the door. And Mary indeed stood behind them.  
"You don't even need to ask. David called me to say that you and Merab had an argument and that you are probably here." With that, she went past him straight to the kitchen.  
He followed her and sat down behind the table. "Is there anyone who doesn't know about us?"  
"Just me, David and Sopo, I swear." she looked to his eyes to let him know she was telling the truth. "But really, what have you been thinking?"  
"I didn't know he was with David. David and I usually grabbed a couple of beers when I was in Tbilisi, but we never talked about Merab. He became our sort of forbidden topic, and suddenly he was there yesterday."  
After that, Mary just sighed and started making coffee. He decided to look for a painkiller.

"You both are idiots, you know it, right?" Mary passed him 5 minutes later his cup a sat down on the sofa next to him in the living room.  
"Look, Merab can be difficult. He is as stubborn as a mule, passionate, and usually, he acts without thinking. But he is loyal, caring, and has a heart of gold."  
"I know, but..." she didn't let him finish.  
"I also watched him when you decided to quit. To say that he was a wreck is an understatement. He almost blew his chances for the audition, because he hurt his ankle. After the wedding, he cried on my shoulder till the dawn and finally told me everything. Not in detail, don't worry."  
"Glad to hear that, but it is over between us and I am married. So it doesn't really matter anymore." He lied, but what else was he supposed to tell her?  
"That's the part where you are an idiot too. You are selfless, and you will do everything for your family, I admire that. But throw away everything you like because of family or duty? What a waste. Tell me, when was the last time you did something out of pure joy? For yourself?" she raised her eyebrow and waited for his answer.  
"That was a long time ago," he admitted.  
"Figured." she smiled and sipped her coffee. "When are you going back to Batumi?"  
"The first people interested in the apartment are due on Monday. But I think it is just a formality, so I suppose on Friday." he shrugged.  
"So you can come with us tomorrow to my father's summer house for my birthday celebration."  
Irakli shook his head. "Merab will be there, we will argue, and eventually ruin the whole weekend. No, it is not a good idea."  
"Or maybe you can take it as an opportunity to settle things between you. You can behave like civilized people for two days. And you have nothing better to do anyway in the meantime." she nudged him in the shoulder, and they laughed.  
"Okay, but if Merab opposes, I'm not going," he said determinedly.  
"Great, it is settled then. We will pick you up at 10 am sharp. Come see me off. I have a lot of things I need to take care of before we go." They both got up and went to the door.  
Before he could close the door behind her, Mary turned and hugged him.  
"You know, we miss you. All of us. Otherwise, I wouldn't have invited you last year." She let go of him and added: "It is family only." he didn't know what to say, so he just nodded and slowly closed the door when she began to leave.  


As Mary went down the stairs, she sent David a text: " _Told you, he's coming_."


	5. living the best night...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In advance i apologize for any mistakes. And also this is the first time I am nervous, because i think it is pretty important chapter and I wanted to do our boys/story justice. Hope you like it. :)

"You did what?" he asked Mary from the backseat of her red Range Rover. Seriously, he's going to kill her. It doesn't matter that she is driving.  
"Don't act like a baby, Merab. It was the decision of the majority. If you don't want to, you don't have to talk to him. But he is coming, and you will behave." Mary said firmly.  
"Wait, you all knew about it? David, Sopo, and you too?" he turned to Ninutsa.  
"Don't look at me. This is between you and Irakli. And just to let you know, you weren't as stealthy as you thought." she shrugged and began to look out from the window again. He saw that Mary was smiling. Traitors. Now he understood why David was so determined to drive with Sopo and little Maia in their car.

It's 9:58, and he's sure he'll puke. Okay, calm down, it's just a weekend. Mary was right, you are two grown-up men, and you can part your ways amicably. He ignored the pain he felt when he thought of Merabs return to London. The approaching car disturbed his thoughts, and soon Mary parked next to him. He opened the passenger door and got in. Mary greeted him with a kiss on his cheek, and Ninutsa patted him on his shoulder from the backseat. Only Merab muttered something remotely reminiscent of a greeting. The ride took almost an hour, so they talked about what they have been doing, their jobs, Mary's school, and their plans for the future. He told them about the hotel and his wife, but somehow he knew that they didn't believe him a word. And Merab? He was silent most of the time and said barely two or three sentences. 

He barely could remember the next four hours and all the people he had met during them. Or met again? He will never know. They drank, ate, had fun, celebrated Mary, and life in general. He was happy, just like the last time, so it was surreal when he realized how much changed in only one year.  
He looked at Merab, who was sitting a few seats across from him. London has changed him a lot. A cheeky but still insecure boy became a confident man. His red hair was a little longer, and he noticed a new tattoo on his right wrist. Irakli had to admit that in his green leather jacket, white T-shirt, and black jeans, he looked even more attractive than he remembered. If at all possible. Merab caught him staring. He looked more cautious than angry. He held his gaze for a few more seconds and then started to talk to one of Mary's aunts.

A small storm came after dinner, so they moved into the house, and the terrace turned into a small dance floor. Almost all of them danced, and Merab, Mary, Sopo, and Ninutse competed to see who will come up with the craziest dance move. He was tempted to join but decided to watch out for little Maia instead. Babysitting an infant turned out to be a more difficult task than he thought. Everything fascinated her, and the biggest temptation of all was his gold earring. But even so, she was the cutest child he knew. The song that played slowly ended and Sopo joined him on the sofa.  
"I see that she already managed to wrap you around her little finger." she smiled at him.  
"Absolutely. She's the cutest little devil," he said and and gave her a kiss on the forehead .

The new song began to play, and he recognized Madcon's _Don't worry_. Sopo got up and took her little daughter from his hands. "All right, Maia, let's leave Uncle Irakli now because it's time for your bath." She looked at Merab and the girls and then back at him.  
"Go to them. Those fools are in desperate need of real competition." She winked at him and left. He sighed, gathered all his courage, and joined them on the dance floor. Merab was giving Mary a piggy ride, so he grabbed Ninutsa's waist and made a perfect turn with her. Mary started with the twist move, and Merab did a back-flip and landed right before him. They smiled at each other, both of them high on emotions. Mary and Ninutsa grabbed them by their shoulders, and the four of them started jumping and singing together like crazy until the song was over.  
"Oh my god, I am so thirsty, I need a drink," Mary screamed at them. They agreed with her and went to the kitchen. It was quite warm for an autumn evening, so after one or two drinks, they settled down with a jug of wine in the garden. It was already dark, so Merab lit bamboo torches, and Mary turned on the incandescent lights hanging from the trees. He had to admit it was a beautiful night.  
"Mary, I need your help with re-filling food and drinks." they heard Mary's father say from the doorway.  
"I am coming." Mary put down her glass and stood up.  
"Wait, I'll help you." Ninutsa offered. "You'll be fine by yourself here, right?" she asked them. They nodded, so Mary with Ninutsa headed back to the house.  
"I need a walk. I am a little dizzy from all that wine. Will you come with me?"  
"Only if you give me a cigarette," Merab said, and Irakli tossed him the whole pack. They walked around the house and then down the path to the bonfire. After a good five minutes, Merab dropped his finished cigarette and said: "I am sorry." When Irakli looked at him confused, he added, "For what I said. I didn't mean it. Well, I did, but at the same time, I didn't."  
Merab chuckled nervously and kicked to the stone in his way. "I don't make sense, I know." Irakli stopped walking and turned to him. He saw again the boy he was attracted to the moment he entered the studio.  
"You do make sense. You know, I had time to think yesterday and...I admire you. You have found the strength to leave everything you know behind and start living your life the way you want. I can't imagine how much courage it took. Fuck, I probably even envy you. I wish I had decided otherwise a year ago, but I couldn't. So please, try to understand my side as well. I care about Elene, and my life isn't that bad, but you can be sure that there isn't a day when I don't wonder what my life might have looked like if I stayed." Irakli took Merab's hands and stepped closer to him. "The last thing I want is for you to think badly of me or resent me."  
Merab took a deep breath.  
"I could never do that. I know that things are not that simple. But the way you talked in the car about work, life, and Elena. David said something similar to me after his wedding. He didn't care, he resigned completely, and it scared me. I am so happy that at least he is happy with Sopo, but I know that if he had a choice, he would do something completely else." Merab placed a hand on his cheek. Although a little hesitantly, as if he thought Irakli would push him away.  
"Just promise me one thing, okay? Don't give up on happiness or your passions. Even if we never see each other again, I need to know that you will at least try." he saw the pleading look in his eyes.  
"Okay," he answered. It took him a couple of heartbeats, but he realized that if they never saw each other again, he just had to do it. So he forgot about everything, pulled Merab closer, and kissed him as if that was the last thing he would do.


	6. never apologize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this chapter took so long. Personal struggles and writer´s blog are terrible combination. I hope the wait was worth it. :)

Merab expected a lot from Irakli, but it was not a kiss. He could taste wine, tobacco, and what was it? Yes, apricot tklapi. It was the most bizarre combination, so intoxicating that he craved for more. He dreamed of kissing him again so long that Irakli pulled away before he could react. Merab looked at him and saw pure horror in his eyes.  
"I...I am sorry. What the hell did I do? I shouldn't have done it." Irakli was panicking. Merab tried to calm him down, but it was as if his touch was burning Irakli. He shook his hands off almost immediately.  
"I'm married. It's not fair to Elene, and neither is to you." he started pacing.  
"Never apologize for kissing me. You hear me? I know it's selfish, but I can't regret anything that involves you." Merab said and waited for the reaction. His words worked because Irakli stopped and looked at him in disbelieve. "We can pretend that it was a one-time thing or that it didn't happen at all. If it helps, I'll be 2,500 miles away in a week anyway." Merab continued, and Irakli heard a sad undertone in his voice.  
"Thank you...for understanding. I know I am a mess." Irakli tilted his head slightly, closed his eyes, and exhaled. Because it was true, he was one big fucking mess.  
"We are all a little mess. One way or another. So it is okay." He heard Merab say. Irakli opened his eyes and saw that Merab was smiling at him.  
Laughter and the sound of starting cars have echoed from the front of the house and driveway.  
"I think the party is over. We should head back and go to sleep." They both started walking towards the backdoor.  
"Good idea, but I sleep on the terrace." Merab looked at him with a questioning look. Then he understood the reason why, and his previous smile immediately dropped.  
"Because you and David snore like bears. Must be Lominadze brothers curse." Two can play that game, and Irakli couldn't resist teasing him a little. Merab showed him lightly and began to run. They raced to the house, where they said good night, and both went their separate ways. Little out of breath, dizzy, and wasted, but it felt like an enormous weight from their hearts was lifted.

The smell of food and down-stair conversation woke him up. He lay for a moment, replaying the events of the day before. It was a wonderful day filled with friends, laughter, food, and fun. But he was most grateful for finding common ground with Merab again.  
"Too bad every day can't be like that," he said softly. Irakli went downstairs eventually, where Mary greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and a plate full of food. "Go sit with the others in the garden. Just...take this with you, okay?" and she handed him a second plate full of fresh fruit. He was heading for a vacancy next to David when he noticed Merab and Sopo nearby playing with little Maia. They were disgustingly energetic. If he could sleep for another year, he wouldn't mind at all. But he still waved to them and laughed because their good mood was contagious. David, on the other hand, looked dreadful.  
"Tough night?" he asked without needing to know the answer.  
"Don't even ask. Maia's teeth started to grow. But no worries, nothing that the third cup of coffee cannot fix. Or maybe a fourth? I kind of lost count." and he reached for a coffee pot in the middle of the table.  
"Listen, we have to go back to Tbilisi after lunch. Maia is moody, and I have to get back to construction tomorrow. I hope the idiots didn't mess up a lot there, or my father-in-law is going to kill me." David leaned over and stole a piece of Khachapuri from his plate. "You can come with us if you don't want to stay until tomorrow." he offered.  
"That's fine. I'll go with Mary, Ninutsa, and Merab tomorrow." David stopped chewing on a piece of his breakfast and looked at Merab. Then he looked back at him and smiled knowingly. "I take it you cleared the air. I wondered what caused his unusual and insufferable cheerful mood. Congrats." Irakli looked around to see if anyone was listening. Fortunately, no one paid attention. "Stop it, okay. And how come you don't mind?" Irakli always wanted to know the answer to this question but never dared to ask him.  
"Simply. He's my brother, and I love him. You're a good person too." David looked into his eyes and said with all seriousness. "Everything is love, so fuck the ones who have a problem with you. They are the real problem here, not you."

"She's finally asleep." Merab sat devastated on the ground, his back against the wall. Sopo, meanwhile, put Maia in bed.  
"Wait until you have your own." Sopo laughed at him, but he didn't mind. "It's challenging with the kids, but worth it. You can go now if you want. I'll probably get some rest too before the return trip." she yawned and lay down next to her daughter.  
"Okay, off I go. I will let you sleep. Should I wake you up for lunch?" Sopo just nodded. Then he got up and left the room.  
Merab could hear Georgian music from the hallway. He stopped in the middle of the porch and watched Mary and Ninutsa dancing. They were so carefree, so beautiful, and he couldn't take his eyes off them. He had to stand on the porch for a while because the song was over, and David noticed him.  
"All right, all right, pay attention to me for a moment, please. I heard a terrible rumor that Irakli and Merab performed Kintauri duo better than Luka and I. I'm sure it's just a blatant lie, but I'd like to see for myself." If a look could kill, his brother would be dead by now. David, with a smug face, showed him a raised middle finger. Bastard.  
"We weren't better. We kicked your asses, destroyed you, and we will prove it to you." Irakli said cheekily and with such confidence that Merab was speechless. Irakli rose from his seat and stood where Mary and Ninutsa had just stood moments ago. The kids were ready to start playing the Dolis and Diplipitos. Only Merab was the one who was unable to move.  
"Come on. I know you remember." Irakli teased. And that was the problem. He remembered all too well. Screw it, if Irakli could be brave, so could he. He stood opposite him, waiting for the first tones. At first, Merab tried to read Irakli's face and emotions, but when he saw only joy and relaxedness there, he was able to let go too. In the end, they danced as one being. As the song slowly ended, they placed their right hands on their hearts and bowed their heads slightly in a gesture of respect. Everyone started clapping, and Irakli pulled Merab closer and hugged him as if he never wanted to let him go again.


	7. don´t get cocky...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that i kept you waiting for so long, but here is a brand new chapter.

"So I take it you'll be back soon?" Elene asked him on the phone.  
"If everything goes according to plan, I will be home next weekend." Irakli lay down on the bed and ran a hand through his hair. He felt guilty because if he had a choice, he wouldn't come back at all. After their dance and hug, he almost asked Merab in the heat of the moment what would happen if he left with him. What was he thinking? It was embarrassing how many times he asked himself this question recently.  
"Hello, Irakli?" Elene's voice brought him back to reality. "Yes, sorry, I got distracted." He answered.  
"I know it's hard for you, but dad needs you at the hotel. You have responsibilities now, people are counting on you." Her voice was aloof.   
"You think I don't know that? And by the way, you realize that my relative died, don't you?" he snapped.  
Irakli didn't want to argue. In fact, he understood Elene. They've spent less and less time together in the last few months, and now they resembled more acquaintances rather than a married couple. The sun's rays shining through a window were almost like a moment of clarity for him. He understood now what he refused to acknowledge. They still cared about each other, but all love and passion were long gone.   
"I have to go. I'll call you tomorrow about the tour, okay? Hopefully, those people will like the apartment." He was telling the truth in this regard because even though he loved the apartment, his grandma was the true spirit of the place.  
"Okay... take care." She answered.  
"You too." And they hang up.

It wasn't too late, but everyone was tired from the day before and decided to go to bed early. It was getting a little cold outside, so no one wanted to hear of him sleeping on the porch again. Also, David was gone, so Merab had a free place in his big room, and Irakli wasn't able to come up with any believable excuse. Merab was already a walking temptation for him, and now he was supposed to share a room with him. Exactly what he needed. The only consolation for him was the fact that Merab probably felt the same. At least based on his expression. Irakli walked through the quiet house to the garden. His mind was racing, and he needed a smoke. The lights were still on, and he found Merab lying on a blanket with a cigarette in his hand. He had his headphones on and ignored everything around him. When Irakli approached him, Merab gave a start.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Irakli gestured if he is allowed to lie down next to him. Merab just nodded.  
"What are you listening to?" Irakli asked him.  
"I was just going through a dance routine in my head." When Irakli remained silent, he continued.  
"There is an... you could say an exhibition in the theatre where I work. A mixture of singing, dancing, acting, and other types of performances. Mostly for families and friends, but some important people from the industry should come." Merab looked excited.  
"It sounds terrific. A real chance to shine. I suppose you will be dancing?" Irakli was so happy for him. Merab always worked so hard, so he deserved all the success.   
"With my flatmates Dana and Henry, yes," Merab confirmed.  
"Let me listen." Merab gave him little hesitantly one of the headphones and pressed play. He didn't recognize the song at first, but he was sure he knew the song. And then a realization hit him. It was a male cover version and remix, but it was Robyn's _Dancing on my own_.  
"Was this... ?" But before he could finish the sentence, Merab spoke.   
"Of course, it was my idea. And yes, it is about you... about us." Merab admitted.  
"Do you mind?" Merab asked a little nervously.  
"Not at all, always glad to be an inspiration." He tried to hide all the sadness he felt. He looked at Merab and saw that he failed 100%.  
"Don't get too cocky, you twit," Merab said in English with a dreadful British accent. They looked at each other and burst into laughter. Merab was the biggest mystery to him. They didn't know each other for a long time, but somehow Merab knew what to say or what to do to make him laugh, happy, less worried.   
"It is getting late. We should go inside. Get some sleep before we have to go tomorrow." Irakli stood up and offered Merab a hand.   
"Okay," Merab said and let Irakli pulled him up.

They lay in bed 10 minutes later. It was weird, exciting, and terrifying at the same time. Irakli could not sleep, so he turned toward Merab.  
"Tell me about London. You like it there? What is your favorite place? I heard that the food sucks." Irakli couldn't help it, but he was curious.   
Merab chuckled and turned his head in his direction. "Yes, the food sucks. You need to know how to cook or where to eat. Thank god for Dana. She taught me the basics, so I am able to survive." Merab paused for a second and yawned.  
"Mary's bullshit about London always pissed me off, but she was right. It is a great city, a lot of amazing people. Compared to Tbilisi, it's a completely crazy city, but you get used to its pace. And my favorite place? I always stop by the Peter Pan statue in Hyde Park. It may be silly, but I adore the story. And Battersea park, this is where I go when I want some peace." Irakli saw that Merab was slowly falling asleep.  
"We should sleep." He said. Merab opened his eyes almost immediately.  
"Not yet. See, I am fully awake." And he yawned again.   
"It is okay. None of us going anywhere." Irakli tucked a ginger strand of hair that kept falling into Merab´s eyes behind his ear.  
"Yet. Will you... hold me? Tonight?" Irakli just raised his arm so that Merab could snuggle up to him.   
A week ago, he didn't think he would talk to Merab again, let alone have him in his arms. That's why he promised himself, that he would enjoy every moment he had with Merab left. With that thought, he closed his eyes and fell slowly asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now i think I should release a playlist that inspired me to write this story. I have so many songs. :D


	8. of night adventures and a fu*king plane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here is another chapter. Sorry for long waiting, but this one is a little longer. Enjoy and comment. :)

"You look cute when you sleep," Merab said quietly.  
"And you are a weirdo, stop staring at me. " Irakli answered with his eyes closed. He didn't even bother to open them and pulled Merab closer. "But I like you, so please never change." He caressed Merab's cheek and smiled. Their foreheads were touching, and Irakli never felt more peaceful than at this very moment. He opened his eyes and kissed Merab lightly on his mouth, morning breath be damned.  
"Even though leaving this bed is the last thing I want to do, I am starving." Irakli turned around and checked his phone. "And we are leaving in one hour, so we need to get up." He rolled from his side of the bed, and Merab followed on his side.  
They began to look for their clothes, and Irakli threw Merab his jeans.  
"Hey, when exactly are you leaving?" He asked Merab.  
"Tomorrow afternoon. Why?" Merab answered and knelt to get his second boot from under the bed.  
"I have some errands this afternoon, but otherwise, I am not letting you out of my sight until you board the fucking plane." Merab slowly got up with his shoe.  
"Really?" He looked like Irakli just told him that Christmas came early. It was adorable.  
"Of course. Come on. We need to hurry. And I have no clue where my shirt is." He started looking under pillows with a smile on his face. He should probably call it _Merab's effect_ because he was unable to stop smiling when Merab was around. They finished packing 10 minutes later and headed for breakfast.

He looked at his phone and saw that there was a message from Merab saying that everyone was on their way to the restaurant. Since it was Merab's last night in Tbilisi for God knows how long, they agreed on something fancier. It was almost absurd that only a year ago, they were sharing shoti and a bottle of wine on the street and had to count every lari in their pockets. It felt more like a decade, especially when he looked at himself, David and Sopo. They had to grow up so quickly.  
He checked on his reflection in the mirror at least twice in the last three minutes. Wearing suits still felt weird to him, so he opted for a beige jacket, a white T-shirt with V-neck and long sleeves, and dark jeans. Don't overthink it, he told himself. With a final sigh, he grabbed his keys and went to the subway. As he was approaching Pushkin park, he immediately recognized Merab with his ginger hair. Irakli shook his head because he was truly breathtaking, and of course, he had to stand out. His black suit was pretty basic, but a bright green shirt with high-waist black pants and a golden belt was telling a different story. Merab was so sure about himself, so confident, so ready to fight every stuck-up asshole and injustice which came in his way, and he realized that he loved him even more than a year ago.  
He stopped walking. Wait. What? And then it hit him. Irakli tried to ignore it, but he loved the silly idiot. He knew very well that he messed it up between Merab and him. But it was in the moment as he watched Merab try to teach Mary something remotely reminiscent of tango when he realized that he didn't mess up. He fucked up. Ninutsa noticed him and wawed at him, so he put up his best fake happy face and greeted them. Then they headed towards Narikala fortress, where they booked one of the restaurants.

Three-courses and many bottles of wine later, Mary tapped his hand. "How was the meeting about the apartment?" she asked him.  
"It went surprisingly well. It was a young couple. I think it shouldn't matter, but I am glad that someone nice will live there. They are expecting the first child in 5 months, so they want to settle as soon as possible."  
"That means that you will be gone really soon." she frowned.  
"Yes, it seems like it," Irakli confirmed, not saying anything else.  
From the corner of his eyes, he could see that Merab started to pay attention to their conversation.  
"And you? When is the big performance of yours?" Mary shifted her attention to Merab, clearly knowing that selling the apartment was a sore topic for him.  
Merab rolled his eyes. "In a month. And you know it very well because you will be there, you smartass." he chuckled and took a sip from his glass.  
"I can't wait to be in London again. I miss the city. And yeah, it will be nice to see you too, of course. How could I forget about you?" Mary answered sarcastically. Three of them burst into a laugh. They were the best duo. They loved each other unconditionally but were able to roast one another mercilessly. 

Around midnight, they said goodbye to the girls and David, and they continued towards Waterfall square. They were sharing a bottle of wine Irakli bought when he was paying their bill. Merab sat down on the stone railing right before waterfall abyss, took a bottle of wine from his hands, and took a swig. Irakli stepped closer and took his free hand. Just in case that Merab lost balance.  
"You know I would do anything for you, right?" Irakli put his arms around Merab's waist.  
"In the fairytale world, yes. Such a shame that we live in this one." Merab stated sadly. He spread his legs, pulled Irakli between them, and laid his head on his shoulder. It took only a couple of heartbeats, maybe minutes, and Irakli pulled away and looked up into the Merabs eyes.  
"Merab, I..." He was ready to say it, the fatal three words. He knew it wasn't fair, giving the circumstances, but he desperately wanted to tell them to the one person he cared about.  
Merab put a finger to his mouth. "Don't, please. I think I know what you are trying to say, but I wouldn't be able to handle it. I mean, hear it out loud. So don't say it." He almost pleaded.  
"Just kiss me. That will be enough." Merab said instead.  
How could he resist when he looked like this? He stepped on this toes and gave in to this one kiss all emotions. His love, passion, sadness, anger, and also some tears.  
"Stay with me...for tonight?" Irakli asked and caressed Merabs cheek.  
"Your wish is my command, mister," Merab answered with a smile on his face. Then he jumped down from the railing, and Irakli took his hand. Hand in hand, they headed towards Vaktang Gorsali street, where they caught a taxi to Irakli's apartment.

For the last few days, Irakli had been internally terrified of this moment, tried to dislodge it from his mind, and forget it. Until now, it worked, but looking at the departure board, it was no longer possible to pretend. Merab was ready to go through a security check and head towards his gate. Mary already said goodbye, and now David was hugging Merab for the last two minutes. He finally let Merab go, so it was his turn to say goodbye. Irakli's throat was dry and didn't know what to say. Correction. He knew very well what he wanted to say. But he couldn'. It would only bring complications, and saying goodbye would hurt all the more. And as Merab said, no declarations. So he did the second-best thing and hugged Merab.  
"I will miss you so much." He whispered to Merab's ear. "You will always have a special place in my heart. Don't forget it." He had to tell him out loud at least that, because he couldn't live with the idea that Merab might think it was just an affair for him. Short and easy to forget.  
"I won't. But remember your promise as well. Don't give up on happiness and what you love." Merab said.  
Irakli looked around and saw that no one paid attention to them. He discreetly kissed Merab's neck and slowly let him go.  
"Anything for you." He repeated his words from the previous night in desperate need of staying in their perfect dream bubble just a few seconds longer, but his smile did not reach his eyes.  
"Take care, all of you." Now Merab spoke to all of them. Then he stepped on the escalator and soon disappeared in the crowd.  
Irakli was used to lose the people he loved. His father and grandmother were sick, and he knew there is nothing he could do. It was the cycle of life, and he could only make the best of the time they had left. But this was different. He watched the man he loved leave, and it was as if the sand was slipping through his fingers. Slowly, inevitably, and he couldn't stop it. Mary and David, as if they felt he was on the verge of breaking down, hugged him from both sides. And at that moment, he finally allowed himself to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the end??


End file.
